People love me no matter where I go, they always have.  Which disturbs me because I’m such an asshole.

Well I should clarify… they either love me or are absolutely terrified of me.

Every day the deli lady throw free stuff in my bag… and always loads up my order to twice what anyone else would get… because I’m “very special cust-o-ma!”

Every day the valet always parks my car in the best spot possible for when I leave (and they aren’t there anymore).

And tomorrow I need my windshield replaced so the valet told me “YOU” can use reserved parking (executive parking) if I wanted to have them come here and have them replace it at work.  But just me, no one else can do that.

On and on, everywhere I go I’m loved.  Sometimes I feel like I piss sparkles and shit gold bricks.

So I ask you: What’s wrong with you people?